Today's blog is a personal reflection about my current frustration with myself and my complacent lifestyle. I am working to achieve a balance between contentment and productivity.
Life is Perfect!
I’m feeling so comfortable in life lately! I’m making enough money to pay for all my needs, I’m hanging out with friends, enjoying my job pretty well, chilling at home, daydreaming constantly about the future, and feeling pretty relaxed through my days. Life is good!
In the past, my life has not always been so comfortable: psychological drama, environmental pressures, embarrassing failures, and all nature of heartbreaks have kept me on edge and in perpetual desire of self-improvement.
The paradox is, now that I’m feeling really great in life, I realize that contentment encourages complacency. Without that desperation to break away from any pervasive darknesses, or achieve a specific reward, I’m not bothering to improve my soul or status.
While it’s safe to say I have much better resources now, I have also become a lot less resourceful. I used to go through any lengths to practice: around age 18, I self-renovated a little shed in my parents back yard to a 24-hour practice room:
I jokingly called my space “Earthquake House” because of the ominous cracks in the walls from its being built on an unstable foundation. I moved around all the storage of boxes and furniture to make a floor space big enough for myself and my music stand, getting pretty creative also with my various practice tools (including sand bags, two mirrors, a home-made swamp cooler, and some additional lifestyle innovations I’d be to embarrassed to reveal).
I'm Not Done Yet!
I have a dream I want to achieve: I want to be an artist. I want to be a performer, a composer, a musician, a philosopher, a positive influence... and I don’t want to keep doing everything that’s already been done before. I want to become the best version of myself so I can create something great.
First, I need to get off the couch. I need to make myself uncomfortable enough to really crave change. I need just enough of my psychological desperation and ambitious drive from my youth – back when everything seemed hopeless – to get really creative and resourceful, desperate for improvement.
... but my calluses are gone. I’ve become so lazy that I’ve lost the very thing I value
most deeply in life: my viola-playing ability, from which derives my entire life
and dreams. I hereby admit it and am ashamed.
It's Time to Get Started.
For 5 weeks, I will recover myself to my basic playing ability. I’m going to try again this timed system so to build my muscles and calluses gradually to avoid the dreaded tendinitis (from which I suffered after my last muscle- and callus-building endeavor). Also building self-discipline will be a big part of the challenge.
Bragging about an anticipated accomplishment is a great way to discourage yourself from actually doing it… so please wish me luck and encouragement! I know myself well enough, after failing a lot of these challenges (in which I’ve gone like 2 or 3 days before falling off the horse and getting lazy again), that this will be harder than it seems!
Thank you for reading this and staying interested in my life!
Hopefully I will succeed and inspire others to break out of whatever
may be holding you back!